8 Expert Tips To Spice Up Your (Married) Sex Life
“Once you start displaying attractiveness, they will be compelled by their own sex drive to start paying you attention.” Writes Athol Kay author of The Married Man sex life. If your sex life has been on hold for a while or if, for any reason, you lost touch with your looks, then let now be the time you look vibrant again. Hit the gym, eat healthily, smell better, shave quite often, dress for sex as frequent as possible and get a bunch of new underwear.
A recent study by San Diego State University suggests that married Americans had less sex per year in 2010-2014 compared to 2000-2004. You can blame this on the economy, but it still won’t matter. Having your sexual needs met is the core of every happy relationship.
According to David Frederick, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at Chapman University, “Sexual satisfaction and maintenance of passion were higher among people who had sex more frequently, received more oral sex, had more consistent orgasms, incorporated more variety of sexual acts, took the time to set a mood and practiced effective sexual communication.”
Any dollar you spend on experiences is a well-spent one. According to many studies, spending money on experiences, such as travelling, generates more happiness than shopping. And why you need happiness? Because you can’t have proper sex when you’re depressed. Libido is created in the brain, and with depression, it becomes difficult for your sexual organs to respond to stimulations. So a good rule is to take your partner somewhere new if you feel a little bit off.
It’s time to use those magic hands for the greater good. A 2017 study by Northumbria University found that mutual massaging between couples improved their relationships. The study—which included 38 participants completing a three-week massage course—suggests that regularly giving your partner a massage improves their wellbeing and increases your shared intimacy.
What Your Husband Wishes You Knew About Him…But Doesn’t Know How To Tell You!
National relationship expert Bob Grant claims that the secret to “building a better husband” and saving your marriage (in a time when 50% of marriages fail) is that you become a better wife and learn how to correctly manage your husband.
Court your partner
Remember when you were trying to win your partner’s affections? The flirting. The love notes. The dates. The dancing in the kitchen when the only music was in your heads. The lingering looks. The sexting… I know you’re busy. But this is about intention and attention more than time. Look at your partner. Remember those first feelings of wanting to jump his or her bones. Keep those thoughts in your mind as you move through the day and seduce your partner all over again, even if it’s simply with lingering looks and subtle, naughty whispers.
Try Mutual Masturbation
In my opinion, mutual masturbation is one of the most underrated sexual activities. If you’ve never tried it before, the name is pretty self-explanatory – you and your partner both masturbate at the same time. You can also take turns watching each other masturbate. It’s extremely hot to watch another person blood pressure themselves. You can also learn a lot about what your partner likes. Where do they touch themselves? What techniques do they use? How much speed and pressure do they use? Likewise, they can check out your technique. You’ll both learn how to pleasure each other better, while still enjoying the thrill of watching each other do something you normally only ever do in private.
New Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life
Is sex now the same as it was when you were 20-something? Unlikely. You’re a different person today, so why would your sex life stay the same? But that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be fabulous. “It’s time to dispel the notion that if you have to plan for sex, it’s not going to be good,” says Dr. Schwartz. “That’s just plain wrong.” When you first met, you went on dates and a large part of the sexual thrill came from the anticipation of what might happen. You also took time to look and feel your best. In fact, studies show that people who stay healthy and active have a better sex life than their couch potato friends. Smoking, heavy drinking and a diet high in fat and sugar can lead to myriad health problems that dampen desire as well as sexual performance.
Initiate When you Are in the Mood
Let’s face it: It doesn’t take long to reach your “touch quota” for the day when you have littles running around, making sex the last thing you want at the end of the day (because, HELLO, all. the. touching!!!!). Instead of leaving your spouse to play the guessing game every night, running the risk of being turned down because of your previously mentioned touch quota, let him know you are ready for some sexy time! Send him a text (even if he’s only two kids down from you on the couch), whisper a little something in his ear before putting the kids to bed, or turn off the TV a little early and give him a wink. The mere fact that YOU took a little control will definitely get things moving in the right direction!